Friday, 18 August 2017

Mortality and the power to change it.

Bit of a deep post this one.

I can't go into much detail for medical confidentiality reasons, so I'll skim over the facts as best I can, while still putting my thoughts down. I worked on a dead man today (I am an emergency response officier) for a fair while and in the end, he came back to us. When I got to the scene my initial thought was that it didn't look good; I mentally prepared for the worst and just did my job. I couldn't tell you times or names or anything. The urgency of the situation, the onlookers, my own stress and adrenaline made the universe condense into just me, him and the kit I had on hand. Eventually he was handed on and treated at hospital.

The feedback I got was that he was stable and doing well. There were hand shakes and back slaps and plenty of "thank god you were on shift, you did great, you saved a life" and that kind of thing. Meanwhile I'm feeling embarrassed because all I did was do my job. I remember wiping sweat from my head at one point and thinking, this guy's family wants him. They really really want him to come home. It was a very powerful thought. I can't say it drove me to do anything different. My job is my job and I do it well. Sitting down with a cup of tea after it all, sitting here, I am feeing tired. Really tired.

All I want to do is paint. Just unwind, drink a cup of tea and get lost in my project and the world I'm creating, the world I'm trying to save and keep safe. It dawned on me that it must be my personality. Regardless of what I'm working on at the time, I've imitated my professional life in my personal. I just don't seem to be able to stop saving things. The irony wasn't lost on me either. Here by virtue of my will, I am saving an entire universe from death. While in the real world I've done the same thing, just ask his wife and child. I'm sure, had things not turned out the way they did, their universe would've been changed for ever. I'm glad today happened. It's unfortunate that, for me to be able to do and showcase my best work, someone else needs to have the worst day of their life.

I know this isn't very model related, but I'm not big on talking about the big stuff with people, it's much easier to write it. On a side note, I can't help but feel Sigmar and Ulric standing back, nodding saying something along he lines of "You did good lad" 😂


  1. You are amazing, always my role model and idol. Blessed that you choose me to love.

  2. OMG my love! I'm blessed that you let me take up every room in a 5 bedroom house with my project! 😂